


karkats sick or something

by kristyn



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, i wrote this when i was drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-29
Updated: 2015-04-10
Packaged: 2018-03-09 13:36:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3251720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kristyn/pseuds/kristyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>somethins wrong w/ karkat and dave goes to check on him... *fergies london bridge voice* OH SHIT!! (oh shit oh shit) ... OH SHIT!!! *sirens*</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> edit: 4/25 ay so i was looking thru my davekat tag on my blog bc im garbage, and i found [this](http://homuratrash.tumblr.com/post/96042456826/deer-dearest-am-i-garbage-the-answer-is-yes%20) and now im like 99% sure this fic was originally based on this art so yeah sorry for just realizing this now  
> this is what happens when you write fic while drunk, kids

You wouldn’t normally notice Karkat’s disappearance, but on the fourth day of heated politics in Can Town, it occurs to you that that your favorite troll is missing.

You dutifully escort some lawbreakers to their final doom, as per the judicial system set forth by Terezi and upheld by the mayor himself. It is at that moment when you notice the jail is far emptier than normal.

“Yo, Mayor, wasn’t Karkat supposed to be in jail, like, a week ago?” you ask.

The Mayor gives a non-committal shrug, and returns to his parks and recreation meeting. He leads a busy life and you respect that.

You carefully step over the many townspeople and their humble homes, heading into the interconnecting halls of the ginormous meteor. It’s been over a year and you’re still not sure if you simply don’t pay enough attention to where you are and how to get to another area at any given moment, or if the halls have been steadily changing. You’re pretty sure you’ve seen a horror movie with that exact premise.

Either way you don’t give a fuck. It does, however, get frustrating when you’re actually hoping to get somewhere.

You’re ready to consider heading back to find a better route when you spot your ectosister and her ectogirlfriend. Or, rather, her regular girlfriend. Well, her troll girlfriend. You’re honestly not even sure if they’re dating or not. Anyway, you’re here, so you speak.

“Seen Karkat?”

“No one has, not for a few days,” Rose answers.

“Yeah, it’s crazy, one minute you’ve got a chill fuckin’ prison, and the next you got convicts breakin’ out left and right.”

“Don’t tell me you expected Karkat to sit complicit in his indefinite incarceration?” Kanaya asks, exchanging a smirk with Rose.

“What law did he even break?” Rose asks.

“Unlawful search and seizure without prior court-issued warrant.”

“That doesn’t sound like Karkat,” says Kanaya.

“He thought I had his dumb book so he knocked over my can house to find it.”

“Ah,” she says, “that sounds more like him.”

Rose smiles knowingly.

“Anyway,” you continue, “he was supposed to be in jail and now he’s not.”

"Well, he’s not been around here,” Kanaya says, gesturing around her with her arms.

You shrug and leave, hands in pockets. You don’t want to appear worried about him, which you really aren’t. You’re just an officer of the law searching for an escaped convict. Yeah. You’d ask Terezi to help, but you’re sure this kind of work is beneath her.

You wander the halls once more, losing track of time and bearings.

Soon it’s pitch black. Curious, you take off your shades to reveal an incredibly dimly lit hallway, with several doors leading to god knows where. It’s otherwise unassuming. That is, until you notice one door at the far end. It’s open, and yellow lights spills out across the blackness.

You slowly approach the door. You’ve learned to be cautious about freaky far-off reaches of this meteor, ever since you walked in on Gamzee typing away at a computer. He’d looked up and bored his eyes into you until you got right the fuck out of there.

You hear a low guttural sound, and your first thought is that whatever it is, it sounds like a lion. Or maybe, a lion cub. Or just a cat. You don’t fuckin’ know. It’s this low, almost aggressive purring noise. Kinda like a cicada, singing baritone. You’re mostly confused and don’t give a fuck what it sounds like, it just sounds jarring and out of place.

The noise stops and you recognize panting breath. It’s muffled, though.

Overwhelmed with curiosity, you step into the room. It’s another lab, but in the corner, long patterned cloth covers what looks like and what probably is a huge pile of horns and scalemates.

The pile moves. You decide with certainty that it is not Gamzee under the cloth.

You join Karkat on the scalemates. A thin, keening honk slowly hisses out from under your ass.

“Not feelin’ good?” you ask.

You think he’s trying to burrow deeper into the soft dragon pile.

“You’re probably dying.”

Still, he doesn’t respond. Shit, usually he’d have popped up and cussed you out by now. You realize he’s sicker than you thought.

“Real talk, though,” you say gently, in an attempt to be serious, “if you want me to go alchemize some shit for you, I can do that. How’s chicken noodle soup sound?”

He pauses burrowing, and then sticks his head up, throwing off the cloth and a few scalemates.

“Jeez, you look like shit.”

His eyes are hazy and unfocused, his eyes are bloodshot (which looks terrifying on yellow), his whole face is heated up, and his hair is unkempt and, frankly, nasty.

Again, he stays silent.

“Uh…”

He’s gotta be fucking with you. You don’t think you’ve ever been around him in silence.

He suddenly pulls out completely from the pile, falling forward. Startled, you somewhat catch him, falling to your knees in the process. You let him down, now genuinely worried. How does one go about treating a sick troll?

His hands, which grip your arms, now move to your face.

“Uh…. what’cha doing….”

His body is suddenly ground up against yours and—oh god he’s kissing you???

Your initial reaction is flight. You stand up abruptly, push him aside and get the fuck out of that room. Nope. That is not a problem for now. That is a problem for later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who knows if i will continue this! ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	2. paprt 2....................

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i am nothing if not extremely dedicated to disappointing people

Holy shit. Ho-ho-ho-ho-holy shit. Alright, you’re fine. Just. Slow down. Grab the wall. Wiggle like you tryna--NO WHAT THE FUCK why do inappropriate lyrics always come to you at the wrong-ass times.

You’re leaning against the cold metal door of the lab, deciding whether you should go in again and legitimately try to help him, or say fuck it and get Kanaya.

You take off, leaving the possibly dying troll alone to wallow in weirdly sexually-driven sickness as you weave through the halls at mach 5, wishing you could get lost forever and form a secret tribe of hormonal god teenagers. Yeah. Or maybe you’ll get to the heart of this meteor only to discover an ancient civilization of lizard people who want to destroy Earth because humans stole everything from them wait a second you’re pretty sure that’s the plot of a Dr. Who episode.

You stop for a second because FUCK you’re out of shape and the halls don’t stop from being confusing and identical.

You smack your lips together, pressing your fingers gently against them as if feeling for a bleeding cut. Your first kiss, and with a sick, grumpy alien atop a pile of horns and dragon plushies. Go figure. You’re not sure if that makes it perfect or even more perfect.

Whoa, hold up. It was with _Karkat_. Doesn’t matter how perfectly ironic it all was. It was with Karkat, and that makes it weird. He’s your… friend. You think.

You wonder what the fuck is wrong with him. What kind of damn xeno-cold puts you so out of commission you mack it up on all your friends’ faces? Goddamn.

Kanaya would know. All the more reason to keep running around like a porn star in a dildo factory. That… wasn’t the perfect analogy. Your brain is fried. Oh god, you’re catching the weird sex fever.

Okay. Calm down. It was just a kiss. He didn’t reach in your pants or anything. You’re fine. Everything’s fine.

The scenery changes, and you’re out of the halls and back in the main cluster of labs, ecto equipment and alchemizers lining the walls.

You burst into the room. Rose is concentrating on her table of potions, and Kanaya is reading _People_. Wait, what? How’d she get that? What--nevermind, you’ll definitely be talking to her about that later. You gotta teach her to be careful about the irony level with which one reads popular Earth mags. God, what are you even doing, stop thinking about Oprah and start thinking about Karkat!! Oh jeez. Good thing there are no mind readers among your group. Unless Terezi--

“Dave, are you alright? You’ve been standing there staring at me for almost an entire minute,” says Kanaya. “At least, I believe your gaze is directed at me. It seems as though your head is turned in my direction. I can never tell with those unfashionable dark lenses you wear. Have you noticed my Earth magazine? I thought--”

“Enough about the damn ‘zine.”

“But I only just mentioned it.”

“God, you gonna shut up about it or what? I got a serious problem. Wait, did you just call my shades unfashionable? Not cool, dude. Got these from my closest bro.”

She puts down the ‘zine in question, as if to punctuate her attentiveness to your issue.

“I believe you had a problem about which you wish to speak with me?”

“Oh, right. Yeah. It’s Karkat.”

“Ah, yes. Did you manage to find him?”

“Uh, yeah, guess you could call it that.”

“Well. I’m glad for that.”

You notice the edges of her mouth quivering. What the hell? You catch Kanaya glancing ever so quickly in the direction of Rose, who’s hunched so far over her work you can’t see her face. Her back faintly shakes.

“Okay, what the fuck is going on? Something’s hilarious and I need to know now if it’s at my expense because I wanna fuckin’ laugh at me, too.”

Without warning, Kanaya bursts into giggles, followed shortly by Rose, who lifts her face up from the table.

“We were doing so well! I thought for sure I would break before you,” Rose says, laughing.

“HAHA great joke, guys!!!! Ruse is up, lemme know what the fuck is so funny.”

“I’m sure there was never a ruse,” Rose says.

“Yeah, yeah,” you say, “the ruse was a distaction, I know, I know.”

“We’re sorry, Dave. Really,” says Kanaya. “I’m not sure why I didn’t inform you of the situation immediately upon involving myself. Perhaps because I knew you already were mildly uncomfortable at the mention of our, quote, ‘fucked as hell alien mating ritual’, and that, plus the fact that Karkat made me swear not to tell you, had my alien mouth clamped shut. I’m sure you understand.”

“Actually! Funny story: I really don’t! God, Kanaya, why does everything you say do the opposite of make things clear for me?”

“Careful, Dave, you’re starting to sound like him too,” Rose says, sending the two of them back into peals of laughter. You rub your temples.

“Alright, I’ll be serious now,” says Kanaya.

“THANK you.”

“Karkat is experiencing a condition that is common to all maturing trolls.”

“Wait,” you say, “so you know he’s curled up dying in the middle of ass-nowhere on top of a horn pile?”

“Yes, I knew, and I assure you, he will be fine. At this stage, trolls can survive up to one bilunar pedigree without outside influence or sustenance. Of course, he likely won’t be in this stage for quite that long, because of his blood. He’ll be experiencing a lot of pain, yes, but our race has been conditioning for extreme pain ever since we all crawled out of the trial caverns.”

“Only some of that made sense.”

“Allow me to explain further,” she continues. “Low-blooded trolls have considerably much shorter lifespans than those of the upper and royal classes. Where the Empress has a lifespan matching thousands of sweeps, a troll of Karkat’s blood would live to about 30.”

“Shit, really? How long’s a sweep again?”

“Thirty sweeps converts to about 65 human years,” Rose chimes in.

“Good to know at least one of us is brushing up on troll shit.”

“The equation is actually quite simple, it--”

“Don’t care. Kanaya, keep talkin’, try to keep it brief.”

“Karkat recently had his wriggling day, so he knew this day would come as well. As he will live shorter than myself or Terezi, and much shorter than Gamzee (assuming we aren’t all destroyed by Jack or Lord English before then), he is maturing sooner than we are.”

“Hey, Rose, can she do that? Speak in parentheses out loud like that? That’s a little too meta for me.”

“Now, what I’m about to explain,” Kanaya goes on, “is what you would define as ‘fucked as hell.’ Would you like me to proceed?”

“Appreciate the trigger warning. Go ‘head.”

“As you may or not be informed, we trolls have distinctly differently, ah, sexual organs as you.”

“Oh god. Don’t tell me you have this really predictable tentacle waggling around down there.”

“Wow, that’s. Obscene.”

“Dave, don’t be rude,” Rose chides.

“Actually, he’s right.”

“Holy shit,” you say.

“Well,” Kanaya says. “Half right.”

“What.”

“Yes, we have a, ah, tentacle. We call it a ‘bulge’. We also have a nook, but the nook isn’t as important to what Karkat is going through.”

“Ohh my god, I almost completely forgot we were talking about all this crap in relation to Karkat. Oh god I don’t want to think about Karkat’s bulgey tentacle penis OH GOD.”

“Dave, relax,” Rose says, swirling a red drink in her hand. “Please don’t start crying. Go on, Kanaya.”

“To put it bluntly, Karkat is becoming fertile.”

“Dave, stop doing that, we know you’re not really retching.”

“I hope I’ve answered some of your questions,” Kanaya says.

“I mean, I guess. I guess I’m still confused as to why he’s so sick. Or, maybe, why he kissed me.”

Rose spits out her drink comically. There’s no way she didn’t overdo that for ironic purposes. She had to have guessed as to what went on in that room.

“Oh, no….” said Kanaya, fighting back a smile.

“Well, it’s not really a big deal.”

“Irregardless,” she says, suddenly serious, “it is not going to be good when he finds out.”

“Then don’t tell him. Believe me, I would be fine with keeping him in the dark about this.”

“No,” Kanaya says firmly. “He will know. He will be extremely sexually active for the next week. He’s going to remember, and he’s probably going to want to…. oh, gog.”

“I thought we agreed to stop saying that word,” you say.

“I’m sorry, I just don’t think you understand the severity of what you did.”

“What!! That little shit kissed _me_. Hold up. You tellin’ me Karkat’s in… he’s in _heat_?”

“Essentially,” answers Rose, sipping her drink slyly.

“Please don’t tell me he bonded with me, or some other equally tired porn plot device.”

“Exactly what kind of porn sites do you frequent, David?”

“Shut up, ROSE.”

“If you want my advice,” Kanaya says, looking around the room before leaning in. You lean in too, like a dang criminal. “I would stay away from the horn pile.”

“You mean the _horny_ pile?!” Rose shouts, affecting a frat boy dialect before high fiving Kanaya and bursting into laughter with her once more.

“You guys think this is so hilarious, don’t you.”

“Yeah.”

“Basically.”

You sigh. “Yeah, it’s. It’s a little. Little funny,” you admit in a mumble.

This makes them laugh even harder.

“It would be a LOT funnier if it wasn’t me in the middle of this shit.”

“You’re lucky Terezi isn’t here,” Kanaya points out.

“OH my god I totally forgot about Terezi in all this. She can’t know.”

“KNOW WHAT?!”

You turn spin-ways so fast, your cape whips Kanaya in the face. Standing in the doorway, hands on hips, red glasses reflecting the harsh artificial lighting, is none other than your xeno-girlfriend, Terezi Pyrope.

You assume your default aloofness, hands in pockets, mouth a straight line. “We’re just talking about um. Earth magazines. Right, Kanaya?”

“I thought you told me to shut up about the Earth magazines,” Kanaya stage-whispers.

You glare at Kanaya, forgetting she can’t see your eyes through your dark lenses. It proves meaningless for more than one reason, however, because you and Kanaya snap your heads in the direction of Terezi as she starts laughing, high-pitched and grating.

“You all seem to forget my senses are top-knotch. Also I’ve been standing outside the entrance for the entire conversation.”

“Aw, fuck,” you say.

She saunters into the room, cane in hand. As soon as she’s close enough, she smacks your shin with it. Cursing, you bring your knee to your chest, falling over.

“Kanaya,” Terezi says, sniffing, “I’m surprised you let Orange Creamsicle and Cherry Pop know so much about troll puberty.”

“Are you purposely giving us weird names and laughing like a lunatic to seem like a movie villain, or should I have come to expect this from you by now?” you ask, standing up.

“Both!” she declares, sitting down next to Rose and taking a sniff at a potion vial.

“Well, it’s not as if it’s a secret,” Kanaya answers.

“I want to know all about human puberty. One of these days, you gotta tell me all the details,” Terezi says, standing up and sticking her nose in your face. Her breath smells like Faygo. Oh god, why is she drinking that shit.

“As much as I’d love to tell you about my rock hard penis,” you say, shoving her back down on her seat, “I wanna know, on a scale from 1 to fucked, how fucked am I?”

“With fucked being the _worst_ possible outcome?” Rose says, smirking.

“What? Oh, fuck you, Rose.”

“I thought you were fucking Karkat.”

Terezi laughs at that, high-fiving Rose. “Alright, Lalonde!”

You slam your fist on the table, causing the three girls to fall silent and look at you.

“Can this please stop being a joke?” you beg. “I would _like_ to know if Karkat Vantas is going to fucking suck my dick because he’s in goddamn troll heat. Someone please tell me this.”

Terezi laughs, despite the sudden seriousness. “Kanaya, I can’t believe you didn’t tell him the best part yet.”

“Terezi, no….”

Terezi stands up again, leaning against her cane. “Truth is, Strider, Karkat can’t come outta heat unless he mounts someone.”

You’re so shocked you don’t do anything.

“Terezi! You’re blowing that way out of proportion,” Kanaya scolds her.

Rose opens her mouth, but closes it and you can tell she wanted to make a dick joke.

“What really is the case, is he cannot fully mature unless he has properly. Um. Unless he has done that which will cause his… material….”

“He’s gotta jack off!!! Oh my god, Kanaya, you’re bright green.”

“Oh, what? Really? I-I just--”

Terezi laughs. “Wow, I hate talking about Karkat’s reproductive system.”

“Tell me about it,” you say weakly.

“Does he need help or is he capable of completing the necessary steps on his own?” Rose asks, eyeing Kanaya.

Terezi leans her elbow against your shoulder, swinging her cane around. “Either.”

“Another question for the trolls present. You mentioned that the time of maturity is directly relative to the hemospectrum?”

“Y-yes,” Kanaya answers.

“Does that mean you’re next?”

Kanaya turns green as a pea. “I-I just remembered I have a lot of business to take care of in another area of the meteor. Good day everyone, good luck getting off Karkat, Dave.”

“W-what!!!” you shout. “Wait, Kanaya, get back here!! Don’t--aaand she’s gone.”

Terezi laughs.

You fold your arms. “Don’t you dare. I am _not_ responsible for getting him off.”

“You better find a good hiding spot, then, because he’s gonna want you to.”

Rose stands up, her drink in hand. “I believe I will take a stroll. Good luck, Dave.”

“I’m not having sex with Karkat!!”

“I do believe I never insinuated anything of the sort.”

“Jesus.”

She deserts you, waving her hand with a flourish as she exits the lab, leaving you with Terezi.

She turns to you excitedly. “Let’s go find him.”

“What?! No way. You can go find him. I’m gonna hide.”

“His senses are gonna be heightened, you know. He’ll find you.”

You furrow your eyebrows then follow in your ecto-sister’s footsteps.

“Hey, where are you going? I just said, he’d find you.”

“No way in hell. I’d rather jump off this rock and into nowhere-space than be in charge of ‘maturing’ Karkat with a handjob.”

She stands in front of the exit. “Come on! I’ve never seen this happen before.”

“What? You’re a troll.”

“And I was raised telepathically by a dragon egg!”

“You know, somehow I get the feeling that that’s weird even by troll standards.”

She smacks your shoulder. “Plus I grew up in the forest, away from other trolls! I wanna see what he looks like. Beside, I’m going to have to go through the same thing in a couple sweeps, and I want to see what’ll happen to me.”

“Well, I have no such desire. I already went through puberty!”

She raises an eyebrow. “Did you really?”

“Okay, maybe I’m still going through it.”

“Oh, my god, really?? And you’re not humping my leg. Wow, humans have evolved way past trolls.”

“Yes, we’re the epitome of evolution. Darwin is smiling in his grave.”

“Who?”

“Sorry, Troll Darwin.”

She grabs your hand. “Let’s just go! Come onnnnnn.”

You pull your hand back. “No.”

“I won’t leave you alone until you say yes.”

“Have fun.”

You push past her and jam your fists in your pockets, doing your best to casually stroll down the hall and not run as fast as you can.

She follows you, poking your butt with her cane.

“Let’s go find Karkat, come onnnnn.”

“No.”

“I’ll make out with you.”

“Maybe.”

“Really???”

“No.”

“Dave Dave Dave Dave Dave Dave,”

“Not gonna work.”

“Dave Dave Dave Dave Dave Dave Dave Dave Dave Dave Dave Dave Dave!”

“You are so annoying.”

“Are you giving in?”

“No, just stating a fact.”

At this point, you’ve lost track of how many turns you’ve taken. You have no idea where you are, and the last thing you want is to get trapped on meteor hell forever with Terezi Pyrope.

Wait a second. What was that?

You stop, causing Terezi to run into your back.

“Jegus, Dave, I’m blind!”

You don’t even reprimand her for her unironic use of the word jegus. You cover her mouth with your hand.

“I swear to god, if he’s down here, I’m gonna stab myself with your cane,” you murmur.

She shoves your arm away.

“The fuck, dude!” she exclaims.

“Shhh! Last time I found him, I’d also gotten lost in the halls.”

“I seriously doubt that’s related.”

“You’re probably right, but--”

She suddenly covers your mouth with her hand, shushing you. You think she’s just getting back at you for doing it to her, but then you hear it again.

The cicada-lawnmower-lion noise. It’s faint.

She gasps. “It’s him, isn’t it!!”

“I’m _not_ looking for him!” you hiss.

She ignores you completely, grabbing your wrist and pulling you along with the female troll strength you’re used to by now.

She pulls you against your will along the halls until the sound gets louder. Your heart thumps. You can’t do this, nonononononononono. No.

“Stop it, seriously, Terezi, I can’t face him, oh god, please don’t put me in a room with him, I really don’t want this, oh god please…” The words spill out like panicked vomit, which is probably something that exists.

She continues to ignore you, dragging you along until you’re outside a familiar metal door.

“Relax, Dave!! I’m not gonna make you suck his bulge or whatever. If he really wants release, he can do it himself. Or if worse comes to worst, I’ll do it. I bet he always secretly wanted me to be there when he matures. Lu-maow.”

“Did… did you just phonetically say, L-M-A-O?”

She kicks open the door.

The scalemate pile is still there, but Karkat is either not there or buried deep again.

“Terezi, please let me go,” you whisper as quietly as you can.

She lets go of your arm, seemingly uninterested in you. She steps closer to the pile.

“Karkat?” she says quietly. She repeats it.

When he doesn’t respond, she kicks the pile. “Get your horny ass up!”

“Terezi, what the fuck!!!” you hiss.

A low, muffled groan comes from the pile. Your heart flips. Oh no oh no oh no he’s here he’s actually here.

At first, you think he’s just groaning, but it soon becomes clear that he’s trying to say something.

“ _D……..Dave_ …….”

You feel your face heat up. Terezi slowly turns her head to you. The corner of her mouth turns up evilly.

“I can smell that cherry blood all the way over here, you know,” she says, snickering.

“I’m uncomfortable and embarrassed!! Fuck you!”

“Dave…”

You both turn your attention back to the pile. His voice is clearer this time.

“You gotta come over here, Dave,” Terezi whispers. “I think I can see his face.”

“I already saw enough of his face, thank you.”

“Get the fuck over here!”

Against your better judgment, you reluctantly step forward. Damn it. You’re too curious. You want to see if he’s better or worse. Will it be obvious that he’s gotten better? What would he even look like?

“Uh, hey dude,” you say carefully at the pile. Indeed, you can see his hair and part of his forehead.

Terezi starts removing scalemates.

“What are you doing!?”

Now exposed to the world, Karkat drearily lifts his head up.

“Oh, my god,” Terezi breathes.

His face is bright red and slick with sweat. His mouth is open and panting, and he’s removed his shirt. But the most jarring change to his appearance is his eyes.

The irises and pupils have entirely changed to bright red, and the yellows are even more bloodshot than before.

You remember someone saying once that troll eyes don’t fill in with their blood color until they mature. This is what that must mean.

Terezi nudges you.

“U-Uh, hey, Karkat.” You clear your throat. “How are you feeling?”

He gives no sign that he heard or understood you. He sits up, rubbing his head.

“Like shit.”

You exchange glances with Terezi, which is silly because she’s blind.

“Do you know what’s happening to you?” Terezi asks.

He looks up to her like he’s just noticing her. You think he’s about to speak again, but instead he groans, clutching his head and falling back into the pile.

You kneel, concerned.

“You okay?”

He slowly removes his hands, peering up at you through his hair.

“Dave….”

“Oh, shit.”

He grabs the front of your pj’s and pulls you toward him, pressing his lips so forcefully against your mouth that your teeth clink together. Shocked, you fall forward, landing on him and breaking the kiss.

Terezi shrieks with glee, getting into the pile with you.

“Now it’s getting interesting!” she says, getting behind you and taking hold of your waist.

“H-hold on, Terezi, what are you doing?!”

Karkat grabs the back of your neck and yanks you down. Fuck, you hope you didn’t just get whiplash from that.

He bites down at the base, sucking on the skin. You yelp, trying to free yourself, but Terezi is keeping you locked in place. OH no oh no.

Your chest starts to constrict. The edges of your vision blur and you’re panting. Fuuuuuck. You can’t get enough air. Jesus Christ, you’re having a panic attack. You’re having an actual panic attack from this.

Your senses heightened, adrenaline coursing through your veins, you throw your elbow back, striking Terezi in the face.

“AW, FUCK, DAVE, WHAT THE HELL!!”

You shove her off, and after a bit of struggling, you relinquish yourself from Karkat. This was such a horrible, horrible idea. You’re gonna scream at Terezi later.

Your heart is beating so hard and fast it hurts. You slam the door open and run out, tripping over your cape a little as you skid around the corner. This is now the second time you’ve hightailed it out of a room where Karkat kissed you. Why the fuck is this a recurring theme.

You’re looking behind you the next corner you turn, so you don’t notice Rose walking along the opposite side of the hall until you nearly collide with her.

You’re still panicking, and she immediately can tell.

“Look at me, Dave. Look--look at me. There. Breathe. Breathe with me, follow my arm. In… out…. Move your arms with me. In, out. You’re doing great, Dave. You’re completely safe. Breathe.”

She talks like this with you until your breathing slows and you calm down.

“Let’s get you some water,” she suggests, leading the way, back where she was walking from, one hand on the small of your back.

You nod, feeling like a child.

It doesn’t take long to return to the lab. She seats you on the pile of cushions in the corner and gets a cup of water from the sink in the bathroom. You sip it, your chest still aching from your heartbeats.

She sits at the table, picking up Kanaya’s magazine and casually flipping its glossy pages. You know she has no sincere interest in magazines. She’s waiting for you to talk to her about what happened, but doesn’t want to press you.

You stand up and join her, cradling your small paper cup.

“Sorry.”

She takes a moment, as if finishing the paragraph she’s on, before setting the magazine down and holding your gaze.

“There’s nothing to be sorry for. But I humbly accept your apology, if that’s what you’d like.”

“Terezi dragged me to Karkat’s room and fucking shoved me on top of him, and I couldn’t get out, she had me pinned, I had no idea what he was gonna do, I c-couldn’t breathe, I--”

“Dave. Breathe out for ten seconds, in for five. You’re panicking again.”

You do as she says.

When your breathing regulates, she rubs your back as you sip your water.

“That was wrong of Terezi. She forced you into the situation without your express consent. She took advantage of Karkat’s current state of mind.”

You nod numbly.

“Take it easy,” she advises. “I promise, you’re safe.”

For the rest of Karkat’s sickness, you refuse to move out of the immediate area. You have everything you need here. You got your sick alchemized iBeanie you made a couple months ago (it was an accident, but now you get to look hip af and listen to Nicki Minaj unironically at the same time), and three jugs of apple juice Rose may or may not have used real magic to procure. You think she feels bad for you. You’re okay with that. Free AJ.

You don’t care how long it takes. Terezi will not do that to you again.

Although, that may not be a problem, as you’ve yet to see her more than fleetingly since the incident. She had stuck her bandaged nose in the doorway, requested Kanaya, and promptly exited. You don’t give a flying shit. She can be mad. You don’t fucking care.

You see her once in Can Town, but she gets up and leaves the second you walk in. You don’t even acknowledge the confusion of the Mayor. You’re not in the mood to talk to the Mayor about heavy stuff. You just wanna govern some cans.

On the fifth day of planning for the Can Festival, you pace the room for ironic purposes, scratching your head like Winnie the Goddamn Pooh.

“You’re deep in thought,” Rose comments, looking up from her tome.

You slam your hands on the black lab table. “Dammit, Rose, this isn’t a game! We just lost our best performers!”

“Ah, they wouldn’t happen to be the foxy young can-can dancers, would they?”

The corner of your mouth twitches just slightly. She smirks.

“In fact, no. It’s. Cannie Underwood.”

“Aw, come on, Dave, you can do better than that.”

“Canis Joplin?”

“Better. She’s been dead for forty years, though.”

“Yeah, no wonder she’s a no-show.”

Rose suddenly shifts her gaze past you, and you turn around.

“Uh, hey,” Karkat greets you.

His tall, lanky form stands in the doorway for a moment, as if unsure whether or not it’s too late to back out. He seems to decide it is, and walks in, back hunched, mouth turned down in his trademark perpetual frown.

You exchange glances with Rose. She wants to know if she can stay. You nod.

“You’re feeling better?” you ask neutrally when he’s a few feet away.

“Yeah.”

He doesn’t continue. What the fuck does he want?

He scratches his head and lifts his eyes a bit more. The only proof of his painful process is shining bright red over the yellow.

You point. “Nice eyes. We match.”

“No we fucking don’t, jackass.”

You wait for him to go on, but he doesn’t. If this process actually improved his personality by shutting him up every now and then, you wish he’d go through it a few more times.

“Well,” you say, hands in pockets. “You came here to say something.”

He glances at Rose and she stares him down. He gets the message.

He glares at you. “You’re really gonna make me say it, aren’t you?”

“Yes! Yes I fucking am!”

He sighs loudly, crossing his arms. “Fine. I’m sorry I couldn’t fucking control my actions while _painfully transitioning to another biological makeup, in less than three weeks_.”

“He’s speaking in italics,” Rose whispers to you, elbowing your side.

You glare up at him. He continues.

“And I’m sorry you were stupid enough to be around me, while knowing what would happen. And I’m sorry your poor elbow must have bruised when it smashed Terezi in the face and broke her fucking nose.”

You’re boiling with rage, but you suppress it. “I’m not accepting that bullshit. I don’t care if you couldn’t control your actions. Some remorse would be fucking nice. Now go away.”

He flips you off before wordlessly turning around and leaving.

You both listen to his dragging footsteps on the black metal floor until he’s long gone.

“What an ass,” Rose concludes.

“So, what, he’s on Terezi’s side now?” You groan. “Fucking awesome. Now she definitely hates me. I bet she ended up fucking him.”

“Careful, Dave, you might sound like you care about what they think of you.”

You fall in a chair opposite her. “I think I do, though. I just wish Karkat wasn’t a fucking douchedag, and that Terezi wasn’t so goddamn stubborn.”

She shuts her tome.

“Just promise me you’ll remember this.”

“What?”

“You don’t have to forgive either of them.”

You drop your head onto the table and splay out your hands across the black expanse.

You feel her fingers entwine in yours, and you make a mental note to cry about all this later.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> u all thought this was gonna end w/ them fucking didnt u


End file.
